Who doesn’t have garbage bags?  Exactly!!!  Why risk an awkward moment when you can wear your food home?  Here’s the happIERhousewife’s not-so-common sense solution:

Last week we brought home seven gallons of soup! 

PS:  We did not actually make the garbage bag dress.  View the…creation…at http://www.bravotv.com/blog/andysblog/2006/08/friday_fun.php

Lift those legs up!

Today I will share how my family became happIER with a few mouse clicks.  First, you need to visit Amazon.com and do a search for “Wii Fit”.  Several hundred returns will appear for $150 and higher, but there’s a simple trick to obtaining your very own Wii Fit if you have a tiny bit of patience.  All you need to do is sit by your computer clicking the refresh button every 30 seconds for 72-96 hours.  At some point Amazon will offer the Wii Fit for $89 so this is time well spent.  You’ll be the proud owner of you Wii Fit in a few days and it’s important to realize why you’ll become instantly happier.

First, you will probably have slept the four days it takes for your Wii Fit to arrive and you will finally feel awake after your 72-96 hour “refresh marathon”.  Next, you’ll instantly realize there’s no more need to spend children with your time outside.  Just think how much more time you’ll have to do Mommy and Daddy stuff!  Finally, and this could be most important, you’ll feel confident your children are receiving adequate physical training, which is the one area Noggin can’t provide.  Our children’s average Body Mass Index is already up to 47% (higher is better, right?!?) from our healthy Chinese diet. 

Come back soon for more fake ideas you should never even think of trying or visit www.thehappyhousewife.com for a wonderful site with fantastic advice we’re learning a lot from.

Click here for the company’s mission statement

Who’s with me???

The Happy Housewife feeds her family of eight for $600/month, which breaks down to around $150/week.  They eat breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, so each meal averages $7.14 for the family and $0.89 per person.  Quite impressive, but where’s the convenience and how can you be even happIER?

Using the same “math” and “science”, we’ve calculated how to increase your convenience 18,666%!  All you have to do is dine at a buffet every evening.  Sound too good to be true?  I’ll run through the numbers for a family of eight.  Chinese buffets, with only minor health code infractions, are available in most neighborhoods for only $7 per person.  You can literally gorge yourself (and stuff your purse/pockets/diaper bag) for only $56/day, $392/week or $1,568/month. 

Sure, that’s $968 more than the Happy Housewife spends on her total monthly food budget, but with the HappIERHouseWife Nutritional Plan you never do dishes, cook or worry about your little ones getting enough sodium and carbonated drinks.

Check back soon for more ways to live happIER or visit www.thehappyhousewife.com for realistic and creative advice you can actually use.

Bloomin’ Onion

Ribeye – Medium Rare – Blue Cheese Crown

Chocolate Thunder from Down Under

Today was our first day of school.  No need for a strict schedule or any fancy shmancy kurickilim kurklikulum cirikulum books and stuff when you’ve got Noggin!  Like they say, “It’s like preschool on TV.”  If you hear it on TV, it’s gotta be true!   We saved so much money.  No cubbies for the kids filled with supplies and future supplies.  We only needed one resource:

The Happy Housewife only had enough material to last the morning.  Her kids played outside in the afternoon.  Not our kids.  They continued to learn morning, noon and night.  Noggin provides 24 hours of endless teaching for pennies a day.  As if that’s not good enough our 6-year-old learned the color blue today thanks to seven hours of Blues Clues!!!

Our good friends at http://thehappyhousewife.com/ have done some good work…so we’re out to do better.  Why would you want to settle for happy when you could be happier?  This (fake) site isn’t going to stop at “happy”…we’re going all the way! 

We don’t want to take anything away from Thehappyhousewife.  Her site is amazing.  Please check it out if you want (serious) advice about managing your money, great home schooling tips and how to feed a family of eight for under $600/month.  We’re going to take a completely different and less realistic approach. 

Everyone knows money buys happiness.  So, we need to either cut costs or bring in more ka-ching.  Instead of taking a responsible approach let’s explore an area Thehappyhousewife has completely ignored: child labor.

For only two easy payments of $19.95 you can be first in line for thehappIERhousewife’s Professional Car Detailing service.  It’s service with a smile and a strong emphasis on safety!

(FINE PRINT:  Service does not include hood, windows, roof, areas above three feet and probably not all four tires)